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200+ Sarcastic Status and Quotes | Best Sarcasm

Sarcasm is now a days a new trend on social media and networking apps, specially on facebook and whatsapp. Sarcastic statuses and quotes are more often went viral then any other thing. WHS providing today the most hilarious sarcastic status and quotes for whatsapp and other social places.

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Most Sarcastic Quote

Being sarcastic person is not an easy thing as it would need the understanding of the situation and turn down it away in a funny hole with a punch line.(You may have seen in Big Bang Theory, the sarcasm by shelden cooper expressed by word buzzingaaa!!!). So here you go with best compilation of Most Sarcastic Status and quotes.

90+ Most Sarcastic Quotes and Status 2016-17

  • 1.) I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
  • 2.) Anyone can make you happy by doing something special but only someone special can make you happy without doing anything.
  • 3.) The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket
  • 4.) If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s tripods with one leg missing.
  • 5.) Can you catch? I think I’m falling for you.
  • 6.) The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
  • 7.) Never argue with stupid people; they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience
  • 8.) he only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets
  • 9.) I wonder if Bono has found what he’s looking for yet? Although, if you’re reading this Bono, I’d try down the side of the couch.
  • 10.) The road to success is always under construction.

 

11.) Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.

12.) I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

13.) Thanks to Twitter, I can’t go anywhere without my mobile. Quick question. Do I take this man to be my lawfully wedded husband?

14.) Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.

15.) Constipated people don’t give a crap.

16.) Well-behaved women rarely make history.

17.) I intend to live forever, or die trying .

18.) A blind man walks into a bar…. and a table… and a chair.

19.) I finally figured out what I want to be when I get older … younger.

20.) Sex is like pizza. When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, it’s still petty good.

21.) Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!

22.) You know, swinging children upside down really opens doors for you.

23.) You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

24.) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

25.) I rub shampoo in my eyes every morning to prepare for the pain of the day.

26.) The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.

27.) You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.

28.) If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

29.) Every bad situation will have something positive, Even a stopped clock shows correct time twice a day. Think positive=SUCCESS

30.) Every single moment counts. When you add them all up, they equal your life.

31.) I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.

32.) If you like me, tell Me. if you miss me show it and if you love me, PROVE IT

33.) Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

34.) If there is a *WILL*, there are 500 relatives.

35.) No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

36.) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

37.) It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.

38.) Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies

39.) Two word’s guys hate DON’T and STOP, unless you put them together 🙂

40.) That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.

41.) Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

42.) The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

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43.) If you expect the world to be fair with you b’coz you are fair with them. It’s like expecting a lion not to eat you b’coz you don’t eat lion.

44.) Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

45.) I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

46.) I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…

47.) The only people that can accurately weigh up the pros and cons are prison guards.

48.) What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.

49.) Don’t be ashamed to be different. Be proud that God made you like no one else.

50.) I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”

51.) My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

52.) That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

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53.) Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died

54.) The best way to predict the future is to create it

55.) Whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say.

56.) If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

57.) I think its time I let go of the past, live in the present, and look forward to the future.

58.) Is it just me that finds the abbreviation for the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons amusing?

59.) Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..

60.) I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

61.) Sometimes its easier to say that you dont care than to explain all the reasons why you still do.

62.) Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

63.) YES! Pandora I am still listening. Why so needy?

64.) Dont count your days. Make your days count.

65.) Relationships do not need promises, terms, and conditions. It just needs two wonderful people one who can trust and one who can understand.

66.) Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

67.) It’s amazing listening to Italian opera, being moved and not really knowing why. Although I think it’s because the kids don’t like it.

68.) It is said that all things grow with love, but I have found a flash of cleavage helps too. Except with tomatoes….

69.) Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..

70.) Fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free.

71.) When you feel alone, just look at the spaces between you fingers, and remember that’s where my fingers fit perfectly.

72.) Man, kids really do ask some tough questions. One just came up to me and said “what’s Nicolas Cage’s worst film?” How do you even answer that?

73.) I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!

74.) I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…

75.) Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

76.) I was once stood up by a policeman. But I was so drunk I fell straight back down again.

77.) Always remember you’re unique — just like everyone else.

78.) There are three things life brings us: tears, smiles and memories. Tears gets wipe away. A smile fades away. But memories last a lifetime.

79.) If opportunity doesn’t knock build a door

80.) He who laughs last, didn’t get it.

200+ Best Funny Quotes For Facebook 2016

200+ Best Funny Quotes For Facebook 2016

81.) You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly

82.) Relationship is like a book, it takes few seconds to burn but years to write. So write it carefully n never let it burn.

83.) Half of the people in the world are below average

84.) Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

85.) When you tell a lie, think of it as peeing in the pool. Let it out slow. Don’t let facial expressions give you away.

86.) He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

87.) Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

88.) Live now. Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again.

89.) Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go

90.) Wearing a shrug, like I just don’t care.

Most Hilarious Sarcasm Status for Whatsapp:

91.) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room

92.) Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

93.) We need not think alike to love alike.

94.) That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

95.) A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.

96.) Important announcement: I’ve just seen the cows going home. We can all stop everything we’re doing!

97.) Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

98.) Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

99.) I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.

100.) Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.

101.) People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

102.) Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

103.) I stopped fighting my inner demons, were on the same side now.

104.) I know it’s sad but I really want to take a slow cruise to China, so I can update my Facebook status with “…is in a real Asian ship.”

105.) I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!

106.) First they ignore you then they laugh at you then they fight you then you win

107.) Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

108.) My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

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109.) When we love, it is not necessary to understand what is happening outside, because everything happens inside us instead.

110.) I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.

111.) The mother-daughter bond is a strong one, but I’ve just discovered the idiot-playing-with-superglue bond is stronger

112.) Finally feeling accepted by my b/f’s mum with an invite to a family meal tonight. Bit nervous though. It’s been a while since I last waitressed.

113.) You know, I don’t think all this time on Twitter WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT WALKING ACROSS THE SCREEN! has affected me at all.

114.) I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..

115.) Laziness is the mother of all bad habbits but ultimately she is a MOTHER and we should respect her.

116.) I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.

117.) Never leave on tomorrow, which u can do today.

118.) Everyone hates me because I’m paranoid.

119.) Just because you have a heart, it does not make you a human. You need to have emotions in that.

120.) You know, I joined People Per Hour over six months ago. and they haven’t sent me a single person in all that time.

121.) 3 steps to move on. CTRL + ALT + DEL. Control yourself, look for an alternate solution & delete the situation that hurts you.

122.) My mobile phone keeps telling me it’s unable to perform operations. I am relieved. I wouldn’t want it to start one on me when i’m not expecting it.

200+ Best Funny Quotes For Facebook 2016

200+ Best Funny Quotes For Facebook 2016

123.) Whe&n some$one with 0 follow##ers sends me a tweet wit-h a link say0ing “you HAVE t~o see th:is,” nothing happens wh$$en you click it right?

124.) We always overestimate our worries & underestimate our potential.

125.) The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not

126.) I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”

127.) Death is hereditary.

128.) Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

129.) Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

130.) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police

131.) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

132.) How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener.

133.) If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button

134.) Wishes are always granted but you just have to wait for the perfect time.

135.) I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…

136.) That’s so sweet when couples act like bestfriends and bestfriends act like couples.

137.) I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..

138.) Every heart has a pain. Only the way of expressing it is different. Fools hide it in eyes, while brilliant hide it in their smile.

139.) I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.

140.) When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

141.) You can ignore me for as long as you want, but you can never change the memories that I brought in your life.

142.) Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

143.) Love has 4 letters, but so does Hate; Friends has 7 letters, but so does Enemies; Truth has 5 letters, but so does Lying.

144.) Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

145.) This Wii console is rubbish! I’ve been crying all day—nothing. Not even a hug.

146.) The best way to lie is to tell the truth

147.) If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.

148.) Unicorns ARE real, they’re just fat and grey and we call them rhinos.

149.) A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

150.) A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous

151.) Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.

152.) When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

153.) Sometimes I think I’m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.

154.) My kids hate that song “You Can Leave Your Hat On” by Tom Jones. You do ONE table dance at a parents’ evening…

155.) Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

156.) Being hit on the head with a ‘Take That’ CD seems inevitable, really.

157.) Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

158.) Someone described me last night as a “cute ball of fun.” It concerns me that they must have got me at a very unfortunate angle.

159.) Gravitation is not responsible for falling in love

160.) I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone

161.) We are born with two options: to be slave or master of our destiny.

162.) Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.

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163.) Do not go where a path may lead. Instead go where there is no path and leave a trail.

164.) Love is not a matter of counting the years… But making the years count

165.) A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

166.) Dogs have masters. Cats have staff

167.) Listening to radio, poised to call in as soon as I hear George Michael to win a prize. The screeching of brakes outside just cost me £1.

168.) Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.

169.) My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

170.) Flirting is like a game of Chess. One wrong move….and you’re married

171.) Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

172.) The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

173.) You know you are pissed off when Eminem starts to make sense.

174.) Please tell me you will remember, no matter how much I do wrong, that I had the best of intentions all along.

175.) Success is the problem but failure is the formula.. You can’t solve the problem without knowing the formula..

176.) I saw a therapist about my body confidence issues and she talked about ‘the elephant in the room.’ Is this some reverse psychology?!?

177.) The difference between CAN and CANNOT are only three letters. Three letter that determine your life direction.

178.) You can’t beat going out with your 19-yr-old daughter. It’s like taking along your “before” picture.

179.) “This love triangle is WAY too complicated.”—Pythagoras’ other woman

180.) I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

181.) We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

182.) When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

183.) It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.

184.) I’m not one to brag about my press exposure, but yes, it’s true what they’re saying in my local paper: I am, in fact, selling my couch.

185.) I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..

186.) Remember the Harlem Shake? I think we can all agree that was really stupid.

187.) I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…

188.) If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.

189.) When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I’m looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you’re constantly getting in my way! –

190.) If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Sarcastic Status and Quotes

191.) That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.

192.) Many people live under the illusion that they have none.

193.) Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

194.) Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..

195.) The life and love we create is the life and love we live

196.) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

197.) History is made by those who BREAK THE RULES.

198.) Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

199.) I’m gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that’s where I’m gonna live.

200.) I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..

201.) The only time I ever went “AWOL” was after burning my mouth on a very hot chip.

202.) Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..

203.) Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

204.) I can talk to hundreds of people in one day, but none of them compare to the smile you can give me in one minute.

205.) Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.

206.) The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

207.) The best things in life are FREE …. Family, Friends, Smiles, Hugs, Kisses, Love, Sleep, Good Memories.

208.) At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet

209.) All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

210.) I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

211.) When someone says, “My husband left me for a younger woman,” I know it’s just an old wife’s tale.

212.) Life is not always what we want it to be. Sometimes, it’s what we never knew we need it to be.

213.) When someone doesn’t like something, it’s often because they’re not familiar with it, or they’re too familiar with it.

214.) The only fence against the world is a thorough knowledge of it.

215.) Being a teen in the ’80s has left me with a lot of questions. Like I wonder if Cameo ever found out what the word up was?

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About the author

Ali Qusain