Celebrity Quotes in English | 100 Quotes By Famous Celebrities

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? Arnold Schwarzenegger
I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends. Walt Whitman One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. Bob Marley
My mother is the kind of woman you don’t want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons. Chris Rock
Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected. Robert Orben
People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant. Ellen DeGeneres
Sarah Palin HAS to be Latina: she has a job and her husband don’t work. She’s gonna be a grandma, and has an infant-she’s Latina. George Lopez
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. Will Rogers
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. George Carlin
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’ Demetri Martin
My God. We’ve had cloning in the South for years. It’s called cousins. Robin Williams
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. Laurence J. Peter
It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. Jerry Seinfeld
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller
TV is chewing gum for the eyes. Frank Lloyd Wright
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. Thomas A. Edison
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. Billy Connolly
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. Robert Maynard Hutchins
Men are only as loyal as their options. Bill Maher
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer. Rob Corddry
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. Mel Brooks
Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere. Albert Einstein
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. Les Dawson
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. Demetri Martin
Don’t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright Bob Marley
If a woman tells you she’s 20 and looks 16, she’s 12. If she tells you she’s 26 and looks 26, she’s damn near 40. Chris Rock
Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder? Don Rickles
A day without laughter is a day wasted. Charles Chaplin
I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either. Jack Benny
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Rita Rudner
If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. Lenny Bruce
If you can’t explain it to a six year old, you don’t understand it yourself. Albert Einstein
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. Hillary Clinton
Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. Charles J. Sykes
Men want three things in life. Food, sex, and silence. So feed me, f**k me and shut the f**k up! Chris Rock
We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. Logan P. Smith
There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. Kevin James
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. George Burns
Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? Robert Benchley